This is Bat Country!
by Scampi
Summary: Short(ish) Parody of Secret Window.


Disclaimer: I do not own Secret Window, Mort Rainey, or John Shooter, or anything else. I don't own Star Trek either.   
  
But I do own a can of Morton Salt. lol.  
  
This takes place right before the movie. About 5 minutes. Tis a spoof. That I made. I might make more chapters, so yeah. It was just something I thought was funny.   
  
**FYI: Mort's alter ego's thoughts = **[ ]  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Mort Rainey had just gotten up from the wonderful world of Sofa.   
  
He had heard someone knocking at the door. Who it was, he did not care.   
  
If it was Amy, she can just go the hell away.   
  
All he wanted to do at the moment was just to go back to sleep. Ah, wonder sleep.  
  
He went to open the door, which someone had been pounding on like there was no tomorrow. But of course, there IS a tomorrow, and a day after tomorrow. Well whoop de doo.  
  
The man at the door was wearing a round black hat; he looked about 40 or so. 'What the hell do you want you ass?!', Mort thought.  
  
"You stole my story. Right is right and fair is fair, and something's got to be done about it…"  
  
Mort stood there for a moment pondering his next move. He scratched his scruffy blonde- haired head ((gotta luv that hair!!, lol,)). He remembered that last night he had ordered Chinese take-out [which never arrived!! Damn it!], rented some sort of movie, and then fell asleep…on the sofa. He though of saying: 'Just go away, I'm so pissed right now, my Chinese Take-out never arrived, so just go find people to bother elsewhere, you shitkicker!'. But it came out more like:   
  
"Do I know you?"  
  
"No, Mr. Rainey you do not know me. But that is not important. You stole my story. I want it back."  
  
"Oh, I see." Mort pondered this for a moment…"Hold on a second." He let go of the door, and went inside to get what he needed. [Hit him with the screwdriver!!!] In this case, it was all the legal documents saying he owned the story. Oddly, he knew just what story it was…he came back and gave each document to the man..who STILL hasn't told him his name. Craptacular.."And here's the document for the story, and for the title, and for all the credit, yada yada yada, OK, that's it.."  
  
The man stood there with the papers in his hand as if it was something valuable.  
  
"Well, I..uhm..sure didn't think it would be THAT easy…"  
  
"What did you expect? [Shitkicker]"  
  
"I was planning to skewer you dog with a screwdriver, kill your wife Amy, Kill Ted, kill some other people, stabbing one in the temple with a screwdriver, and one with a hatchet."  
  
"Hmm, interesting…[shitkicker]"  
  
"Seeing as my business is all done here, I have to go, you know, people to kill, screwdrivers to steal, that kind of stuff…"  
  
"Go have fun..[shitkicker]…"  
  
The man went into his car, and left.   
  
Mort's alter ego took over. [What the hell did you just do?! You gave away your story. FOOL!!]  
  
"Did not," Mort said out loud. Without of course, THINKING.  
  
[Did too]  
  
"Did not"  
  
[OH yeah? Prove it!]  
  
"Those documents weren't for the story at all, It was documents for the Star Trekkies Club."  
  
[Oh, ah, I see, Well, the guy's gonna be back, and he will be so PISSED…so, In the meanwhile, I'm gonna go move away until all is settled..ahah..shitkicker…]  
  
"Sometimes, I wish he would just go away.."  
  
[I JUST DID!!!]  
  
"Oh yeah? Prove it!"  
  
[Watch me. See suitcases –points to suitcase--, see car keys—points to car keys--. Any hints?!]  
  
"Uhm…you want revenge for the Chinese take out?"  
  
[NO DUMBASS!!! I'm leaving! I don't want to get killed!! Gawd, you are DUMB!]  
  
"Am not…"  
  
[Are too…]  
  
"Am not…"  
  
[Are too]  
  
"LOOK, Do you WANT me to stab you with a screwdriver?! Huh?!"  
  
[You'd only be hurting yourself buddy..that's the way the system works..]  
  
Mort waves his arms around in the air as if to swat bats. "Damn bats…"  
  
[OK, seriously, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!! I don't see any bats anywhere!!]  
  
"Bats? What bats?"   
  
[--Slaps head--. Oy!] 


End file.
